A Day in My Life

  I did all the healing. I did all the self work. All the things. I was ready to start building a new life. I had been on a few dates, but never felt anything really for anyone. I kept telling my close friends and family that I thought I was dead inside. I was numb. I didn't feel anything. Pain didn't affect me anymore. What did happiness feel like? I had nothing. I remember this guy randomly sending me a friend request and we just chatted a little here and there. Mostly about what he was cooking, and if you know me then you know that isn't my specialty. Me and my daughter were surviving on fast food and frozen meals when I did eat. I would order her food on Uber Eats most days and would get a text from the ex telling me to quit spending my money on food and I wouldn't be a fat ass. I remember that day so clearly because it just made me laugh and work out a little harder. I was down over 60 pounds at that point and he was calling me a fat ass. I still giggle. My mental ...

Oh Otis... our sweet one year old German Shepherd. He's been through just as much as we have in all this. In the beginning of it all, our son was so supportive and really took care of me and our daughter. I remember sitting on the back deck with my two babies and talking about life. Not bashing their father, but talking about our future. The three of us. My ex had removed everything from the house by this time that was his, including all of the firearms, except my sisters. In our conversation we were discussing about how safe we felt, which was nonexistent with our neighbors living beside us. To walk outside was nerve wracking. We had tossed around the idea of going to adopt a dog for protection and we just felt we all could use a little extra love. Without discussing anything with me, my son texted me at midnight one night and said come to my truck, I have to show you what I got you, me and his sister. I go out, very reluctantly because if you know my son at all, you never know wh...

  By this time my daughter was struggling as you can imagine. Her father had told her she was an "immature, hormonal teenager that didn't know what she was talking about." She heard him tell me that I shouldn't do for her. If she wanted her hair done that I should get my hair done. If she wanted clothes that I should go buy me clothes. She heard him and his mother scream and yell at me because my son had gotten pulled over and had my boat. They accused me of doing it for attention. She heard him call her a bitch. He said, "tell that bitch to answer my texts and phone calls." She hid from him when he broke in the house. To her he blamed all of this on her, which he partially did. The rest he blamed on me.  The court ordered her to see him one time at Christmas and then weekly for therapy. I had to force her to go to lunch with him. She would only go if her grandfather went with her. Tears and not happy she went. 15 minutes is all she lasted. I waited for her ...

  Our daughter was communicating with him in order to get her things. He had texted her to meet him the next morning and he would "allow" her access to go in and get what she needed, or in our case, what was left. I didn't feel comfortable letting her go alone so I planned to ride with her. My boyfriend didn't feel comfortable with either of us going, so we all went. And thank God we did. He had the neighbors, his mother, his brother, his girlfriend and her three daughters, our son and his girlfriend all with him. Can you imagine if I would have sent my girl alone? It was, as you can imagine, an argument. My daughter told her grandmother what she thought. His girlfriend came running across the yard to attack us. The daughter videoing. My son in my face and my ex cussing us out because why? Oh that's right. Because he broke in our home and stole our things, packed our things in garbage bags, and changed the locks so of course we deserve to be attacked and cussed ou...

  My daughter and I had been granted the house to live in at court, when he took me for being an unfit mother in December. We stayed there with all of the chaos for many months. My car alarm would randomly go off multiple times at all hours of the night. We would wake up to eggs being thrown at the house. I was told, "I will show you what a monster I can be." He would randomly drive by and just stare. Send pictures of us. Still... the cops were no help. Half of the time they didn't write the report or it was complete trash. I have videos of most accidents I reported on and they state that I say no harm was done. Absolutely not. Harm was most definitely done.  I had started seeing a man in March and he was uncomfortable with us being there with everything going on. We were uncomfortable ourselves, but we were doing the best we could. The beginning of summer our upstairs air unit went out and our thermostat read 100 degrees. So we spent a few nights at my boyfriends. Judge ...

  For 7 months I sat every second I could on my bed swing on my deck. I knew my marriage was over. There was no fixing it. I sat and prayed for strength, for miracles, for guidance, for support. I didn't eat. If I did, it was because my daughter would make me. I would play back every ugly thing he had said to me and his family had said to me. "If I didn't lose my temper for the last few years, he wouldn't have done this." I didn't know then, but my husband cheating on me with a married woman would never be my fault. I will take the blame for a lot, but that evil is on him.  I would question is it the truth. Is it all my fault like they would tell me. I read self help books and the Bible. I found every fault in myself possible and worked to make me better.  I had some old friends reach out to me and we swapped divorce stories. I had an old high school friend reach out and we reconnected. I'm not a judgemental person. I know people have history and things th...