I did all the healing. I did all the self work. All the things. I was ready to start building a new life. I had been on a few dates, but never felt anything really for anyone. I kept telling my close friends and family that I thought I was dead inside. I was numb. I didn't feel anything. Pain didn't affect me anymore. What did happiness feel like? I had nothing.
I remember this guy randomly sending me a friend request and we just chatted a little here and there. Mostly about what he was cooking, and if you know me then you know that isn't my specialty. Me and my daughter were surviving on fast food and frozen meals when I did eat. I would order her food on Uber Eats most days and would get a text from the ex telling me to quit spending my money on food and I wouldn't be a fat ass. I remember that day so clearly because it just made me laugh and work out a little harder. I was down over 60 pounds at that point and he was calling me a fat ass. I still giggle. My mental health was already nonexistent at that point.
We talked for a couple weeks and he eventually was like let me take you and get some real food. This guy had spent some of his younger years working as a chef in a restaurant in Atlanta so my cooking and eating habits was something about me he wasn't really fond of, but it was always something we would laugh over.
It was March, 10 months after I had filed for my divorce. He was also going through a divorce and we shared our horror stories. That night was the first time I had actually felt something in 10 months. I had hope. I wasn't dead inside, just healing and protecting myself. It was honestly the best date I had ever been on. We went to a little Japanese restaurant in Douglasville. Our cook asked us how long we had been married. Then he said, "Too much laughter, can't be married." We laughed about that for months. We had the same energy and the same goals and values. We were the same person. We became inseparable.
He made me feel alive again. We spent our time talking about business ideas, cooking, we became wine connoisseurs, trying out every different kind until we found our favorite. He would bring me charcuterie boards and wine when I would take bubble baths. He would get up with me in the mornings and make my lunch and have my coffee ready. I would get home from work and he would be waiting on me and be ready for a game of darts or ping pong to chill out from our days. We would play 90's rap and country music and play our games and do some trading.
He taught me all the things with trading and we would compete in the evenings to see who could make the most. Life was finally good. We had our struggles as any couple would who was combining two families with hurt children from divorces, but we did the best we could.
We had different parenting styles. I only had my girl at this point and she was 16. My girl is a dream for a parent. She just always did what was right. She doesn't like to break rules and makes better decisions than I ever did. A blessing. My biggest blessing. I don't have to watch her every move like I did with my son. He was a very strict parent. If he said take the trash out, he meant it. I admired his parenting, but it was the complete opposite of mine.
His ex wasn't like my ex in the beginning of it all. That slowly changed over time. She ended up blaming me for their divorce, regardless of the fact that he had already moved out, had his own place and was already months into the divorce. Maybe it wasn't the perfect time for us meeting but we couldn't deny the feeling we had for each other and we both felt like we deserved to be happy after all the years of hell we had been through. No one else seemed to think we deserved that and did everything to make our relationship not work. We loved each other and we couldn't help it or explain it. We just kept saying we were supposed to have each other to go through this hard time together.
He planned a date for us that turned out to be the best date I had ever been on. He told me to be ready at a certain time and didn't tell me much more about it. I put my little black dress on and could not wait to spend the night out with him. He took me to Atlas in Atlanta. We had an 8 course meal, they brought me flowers personally made by one of our waiters. He said he could feel the love between us and wanted to do something special. We used our fake British accents all night. We were always just being silly and laughing. The chef came to our table and introduced himself. He had a real British accent and he asked where we were from. We busted out laughing when he walked away. He invited us to the kitchen after our meal and we got to take pictures with everyone. It was definitely a once in a lifetime experience.
I fell hard for this man. I loved every second I spent with him. I was warned about him by his ex, but I never trust fully someone else's opinion of someone. I would hate to be judged by someone else's opinion on me. The ex was not happy with our relationship, so I took her opinion with a grain of salt. We would go to his son's football game and get harassed by her parents. In front of his kids, the exes dad actually said loud for everyone to hear, "Just leave and go have sex with her." Pointing at me. We grew closer by being there for each other through all of the chaos we were getting from both sides. By this time we were getting crap from some of our kids, our exes, and their families.
We didn't bother anyone. We barely talked to anyone at that. We hid from reality. We avoided anyone who didn't live under our roof. We felt like the world was out to get us and we just took care of each other and our kids who hadn't turned against us.
We had both been through so much on our own and now sharing each other's pain was a lot. We both had good days and bad days. We were probably a whole person combined. We spent some nights crying together over our kids. Seeing a grown man as strong as him cry was heartbreaking. Again, we just did the best we could.
So you can imagine my surprise or lack there of after everything, when I walk into court, me and my father to see the boyfriend's ex sitting beside my exes girlfriend. When I type these things out it still blows my mind. I knew the girlfriend of my ex just wanted my seemingly perfect life. She wanted my house, she wanted my car. But what did his ex want? To hurt me more? What was the purpose of being at my final court hearing with the girlfriend and my ex. How does one make herself or even want to be close with your ex husband's new girlfriend's ex? I can't even type that without saying what the heck?! Giggling in this moment because I just can't comprehend why people are so invested in trying to cause us pain or more hurt. I was willing to give them my life, there was no need for all of that. Take it, it's yours. And I will smile giving it to you.
I can't see myself wanting to be associated with my boyfriend's ex wives family and circle. Doesn't seem healthy, but again to each their own. They can all share the clothes and trash cans and purses and things that were taken. Sit in the living room and watch my tv on my tv stand with your feet propped on my coffee table that I designed and chose the color of paint. Lay in bed and watch my tv. Wash your clothes and the clothes you took of mine and my daughters in the washer and dryer that my father bought me. Take pictures on my camera that I got for Christmas and gave to my daughter to start her photography business. Carve your pumpkins with my bathroom trash can. I'm sorry, was that petty of me? I choose to surround myself with people who have my best interest at heart. I don't want to spend my time with people just to feel like I might be hurting someone else. Does that make anyone actually feel good?
I will get new for me and my girl. I will spend my time working on our future. I don't sit around and plan ways to try and hurt people. I'm working on my masters degree. I'm planning where I want to live and start over with my girl. I'm enjoying every second of my daughter's high school years and taking in every second with her.
I pray one day everyone can start living for themselves instead of living to hurt us. We are strong girls. We are independent girls. We are going to rock this life, without any of them. 🩷
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